For a while there, I was thinking there might be a glimmer of hope for beloved nut job, Lindsay Lohan. She’s stayed out of the tabloids and seemingly stayed out of trouble for a while now and she recently got engaged to some Russian billionaire, which is great since she’s broke as fuck.
However, Lindsay took to Twitter and Instagam this weekend to accuse her fiancé of cheating on her with hookers and also maybe tell us she’s pregnant? Leave it to Lindsay Lohan to handle her life drama in the most Lindsay Lohan way possible.
First, she went on Snapchat, also known as an app I don’t have because I don’t want dick pics or snaps of my friends wearing fake flower crowns or making themselves look like puppies, and said this weird shit:
My fiancé’s being really angry at me, but I’m drinking water to get him to come home. Honey, come home, please.
She captioned the video “ET phone home.” I assume she said she was drinking water to get him to come home because maybe he’s over raging alcoholic ways. Who knows? But, anyway, a short time later she posted a picture of the two of them on Instagram with his face all scribbled out. Because, you know, that’s how us mature 30-year-old women deal with things.
She then posted a video of her fiancé out partying with the caption:
Home? First time in my life-bare with he/ he cheated on me with hooker #meangirls #meanboysu b.
Sidenote: Bitch might claim she’s drinking water, but that’s a drunk post and caption if I’ve ever seen one…and I have…many, MANY times.
But wait! It gets better! THEN she posted a pic of her filming that shit show movie, Labour Pains, and wearing a fake baby belly. She captured THAT picture:
Lindsay Lohan labour pains trainer – I am pregnant!!
Lindsay Lohan strikes me as the kind of bitch who would tell you she was pregnant if you scorned her in anyway, so I’m not overly buying the whole pregnancy thing, especially since I’m 90% sure she was wasted during this entire social media tirade.
I think it’s about time I just completely gave up on Lindsay Lohan. I mean, I spent last week watching Mean Girls, Herbie: Fully Loaded, and Freaky Friday because I wanted to relive her glory years, but homegirl has been a total mess for 10 straight years so maybe today is the day I give up and realize she’s a forever mess.
So this is how it feels when doves cry…